I can’t remember how I knew that I had lost my voice. Maybe I was singing along to a song…or quite possibly talking to myself. However, on Sunday afternoon, I realised that my voice had gone.
I tend to lose my voice quite frequently; it’s been an issue since I started teaching . It used to be about twice a year and then it became very frequent when I started teaching in a school that I really didn’t enjoy . Not a month would go by where I didn’t lose my voice; sometimes it was twice a month. I put it down to anxiety. At that time, I felt like I had lost control of myself and due to my lack of control, I became powerless…physically.
It doesn’t hurt. Honey and lemon, and all those other suggestions I’m often given, won’t work. It’s a state of mind; it’s Psychogenic Dysphonia.
I left the school (that made me unhappy) but my voice issue didn’t change. Although I was generally happier, I could sense when my voice would be a no show in a few hours or the following morning.
It’s hard trying to teach without a voice. Classroom management becomes more challenging and it’s frustrating not being able to teach the way I’d like to teach. So my anxiety increases and my voice stays on holiday a little longer.
I thought I was in a state of peace so I don’t know why my voice disappeared. However, I’m finding it hard to sleep – hence this late night/early morning blog – and my mind doesn’t feel settled. There’s not an overriding thought but there is something unsettling, which I’m unable to identify. The strange thing is, my mind wasn’t unsettled before my voice went.