So I’m back again, after how long? I’m not even going to attempt to work out when I last blogged.
Anyway, I’ve been at home for the past two weeks. The week before half term, I was ill. I don’t think I’ve ever been so ill in a long time.
I lost my voice but it wasn’t the usual loss of voice that happens to me; I felt really bad. My throat was in pain, my body ached, I had a headache…
I first lost my voice on Thursday (2nd February) and then it came back the following Sunday. I went to work and then lost it, again, on the Monday and that’s when it all started. My voice became more and more coarse and my body seemed to shut down. Due to feeling guilt, I went to work but found it increasingly difficult. The half term came and I continued to deteriorate. My voice finally came back but it left me with this lump in my throat, which prevented me from being able to speak. I ended up going to the doctors, where I was diagnosed with bronchitis.
I have since been off work.
Anyway, while I’ve been off work, my hair has been braid free. I’ve been braiding it since August after I stupidly decided to try and recapture my 20s by relaxing it and having a pixie cut. After a few months of living in denial, I realised that a pixie just wasn’t for me anymore and I wanted my natural hair back. I’d been gazing at ladies with puffs and a puff was highly desired. So I’ve been wearing my hair in braids so that it could grow and I could have the puff I’ve longed for.
I’ve spent a lot of time watching YouTube tutorials about how to create the puff. I believed my hair wasn’t long enough. However, yesterday, I did it and I was extremely proud. It’s still not quite where I want it, but at least I know that I don’t have to ‘hide my hair’ during the interim stage (while I’m waiting for a braids appointment).
It’s my 35th birthday on Wednesday [I’ll get onto that in a minute]. I have a hair appointment booked for Tuesday evening. I like to be fresh on my birthday. So I tend to have new hair, new clothes, new lipstick etc. Fortunately, my birthday is the first of the month, so payday is not long before and with it being February…I’m more or less paid the day before my birthday. So I’m always able to ‘pimp-myself-out’.
Yeah, so as I was saying…I’ve decided to braid my hair until July and then it should be at the desired length for a real decent puff. After all, it will be a year by that point. Right now, however, I’ll be rocking my small ‘getting there’ puff.
Due to having watched many videos about afro puffs, a video came in my recommended feed. It was about the stereotypical beauty standards. I must admit, when I was young, I had issues with the way I looked but as I’ve become an adult, I’ve been quite happy. Nevertheless, although I’ve been quite happy with my appearance, there has always been one feature that I’ve disliked. I’ve never wanted it different, I just didn’t like it. My nose! Well, this is the thing. I’m not even sure if I disliked my nose or disliked my lips. That did often confuse me. Was my nose too wide for my face or were my lips too small for my face? I could never quite work it out.
Anyway, while watching the video – I don’t really know why I watched it because it wasn’t anything new or interesting – I realised that I no longer had an issue with my nose and/or lips. I don’t know when the issue went away but I just realised that I didn’t care anymore. This whole paragraph is kind of pointless. I thought I was going to have a profound message at the end of it but I finished writing it and I thought, ‘Oh! I’ve finished.’
Anyway, onto my 35th birthday.
I am loving the fact that I’m turning 35 because I think it’s a nice age but it’s scaring me. I remember watching an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie turned 35 and went to a restaurant but none of her friends turned up because things came up. It was such a sad moment! But at least Carrie had a stable group of friends. If I can remember correctly, they all came to her house later that evening. That won’t happen with me. I don’t have a stable group of friends. I’m going to turn 35 alone! I’ll probably get the most love from my students. One of the joys of being a teacher – I can always count on my students to cheer me up!
This is what scares me. I used to watch SATC and hope I never become a 35-year-old spinster. But I have. I used to watch SATC and love the closeness of their friendship. Yes they were spinsters but they had each other. I don’t feel like I have that. I don’t have that one person I know I can turn to when I need somebody. And I’m definitely not that person to anybody…not through any choice of my own.
Now let me go and plait my hair so that it’s protected for bed.
I will be back. Not sure when…but I will!